Tomorrow's Frogs make Today's Warts

This was not a request. This was a command. This wasn't a suggestion. This was a declarative statement of expectation.

Within moments of the power-packed, hard hitting worship, a clear picture formed in my mind the way it has so often. This new picture, a Bride with strips of white linens swirling around her, forming a cylindrical shape. Forceful winds pulling and twisting the woman as she struggled to stay grounded and her eyes focused above her on the source of the wind and RADIANT warmth. A masculine arm outstretched. The open palmed clasp in a tight grip on the woman's delicate hand. The black cross and a red heart in the middle, blowing to and fro. The woman writhing in pain. On her face, the open scream no doubt high pitched, as she struggled to maintain composure. Gradual calm overtakes as peace floods in, winds cease, and the woman is drawn up and out of the vacuum of pain into the glorious embrace of the hand and the arm. Pain becomes the face of serenity.

"You're coming up out of this pit. Tonight. No MORE!"

You know when you've been with Jesus. You just know. There's no mistaking His voice.

The only thing that brought calm to the storm is the surrender. 

Then the message went in line with everything else shown. Completely.

The degree at which you are willing to embrace the pain of recovery is the degree of healing you will receive! And when you refuse to embrace the pain of recovery, those around you have to deal with something they've never done to you!

What are the "frogs" in my life causing me to say "tomorrow"? "Tomorrow" I rid myself of this, or that. I find it hard to fathom how Pharaoh says, "tomorrow" in vs 9 of Exodus 8, when asked to "set the time!" What insane lunatic doesn't want relief from the frogs of life?

This was NOT a request. This was a command. This WASN'T a suggestion. This was a declarative statement of expectation.

Somedays you hit the wall; others you just turn it off

Frustrated over ongoing connectivity issues and boys who won't sit still and get serious, my homeschool as of late has resembled more of a liturgical service. Up, down, all around. I had forgotten how much I crave order and perfection! In the midst of this constant upheaval, I am reminded of a blond haired, blue eyed boy named Brandon in my 2nd grade class, many years ago. I now know Brandon's purpose went far beyond that school year. He was preparing me for a few boys of my own.

Dazed and confused, Brandon could most often be caught doing anything but his work. He sat in my first row of desks and I struggled to connect the building blocks of learning to his existing knowledge base. I often wondered if he heard anything I said. So many notes and phone calls home, in those days I wondered how any parent could be so negligent of making their kid follow through on appropriate classroom behavior! HA!!! God has a way of teaching us important life lessons through this little thing called first hand experience. Brandon was my first encounter with ADHD, medication, and the brain chemistry of both that and perseverative autism.  Enter Brandon. Enter compassion and empathy.

My boys were entrusted to me to teach and I am their first, best, and most intimately familiar guide on the path of life. I am thankful for each of them and their unique strengths and weaknesses. I am thankful we can have this time together, no matter how short or long it may be, to learn at a relaxed pace and enjoy the gift of time. I hope I never take that for granted. I'm also enormously thankful for friends who have the same experiences of life and hold my hand and talk me through, when it hurts from the exhaustive pain of it all. You know who you are! There are days of hitting the wall and melt downs when our homeschooling is more like a trek through an insane asylum on lockdown at lunch time, when no food trucks are allowed admittance! There are also very good days where things flow smoothly! No matter which day we're having, we're on the hunt for a optimal learning environment where we understand one another better and the order of God's amazing world!

And after searching all day for the missing piece of connection to the outside world? I finally discovered that if I just shut down my firewall, I could have access to the superhighway. While I am sure it is not the recommended operating procedure, just like in my mothering of my son's, sometimes sacrifices have to be made in order to gain access to the heart, mind, and spirit of a little boy. Sometimes plans need to be pushed aside to read a story and snuggle. God grant me the ability to do this with a more patient and sincere understanding of what it's like to be a tiny male!

Some-days you hit the wall; other days you turn it off and still others you simply find the pencil sharpener you've been looking for over an hour! School can commence and life is good. ;-)

Solio De Gloria,


Victoria

LIES

Lies

A sinister darkness begins to evade the space around my head, popping my bubble of crystal clear happy. Slowly and pervasively simmering thoughts of condemnation arise from a voided cavern where poisonous thoughts didn’t lurk behind pillars of damaged self-esteem and doubt just a moment before. I hear your skillfully slithering, hatefully hoarse whisper in the dimly-lit restroom I’ve just entered. It has been a night to remember; another momentous notch in the turning point of pain. It’s not the first time you’ve come around viciously taunting me after overcoming and great joy have been mine. You rarely let a child of God ride high on clouds of victory long. I should begin to anticipate your attacks by now, yet often they catch me completely off guard. Your acidic venom spills forth as despair threatens to topple me like cascading tidal waves. For the briefest of moments, I struggle to hold onto this dangling rope of hope and joy. These moments ARE briefer. And therein lies the solace and the knowledge that ground is being taken back! One mountain of lies at a time.

“You won’t make it far this time either. You’ll see. You’ll always come back to me. You know, I’m always here and you will fall again………..another day.”

But I know my Rescue. I know the Way out. And we’ve been messaging. Daily. No. Hourly and by the moment somedays. I recognize His Strong Voice above your pitiful attempt at manipulative mind altering control! The pure and serene communion we have is far tighter wound than any false bond Ive ever shared with you! I have no blind-spots to your filthy accusations this time, because I've nailed shut the passageway from your salacious suggestions to my ears!! Instead, I've opened up the sweet channels of healing and grace for the Word of Life to come gushing forth and plant precious seeds to take root and choke out the weeds of doubt and disgrace in the garden of my heart and life.

Where you once were allowed full disclosure and permitted to run the gammet of thoughts streaming up and down the information super highway of my mind, I've learned by error and experience to replace with life-affirming, prison-breaking, grace-filled, love-laden, chain-busting, positive, faith-filled messages from the Lover of my Soul who fought to give His all for me. No more will I stand by and allow you to work me over your sadistic coals of shame, depression, and deception! I’m done with your empty promises of security and fleeting feel good feels! I stand firmly planted beside my Healer and my Deliverer to crush your face with His steel-toed boot heel. Yes, Jesus loves The Duke and Dirty Harry. I often picture him as more that…..taking crap off no one, especially YOU. He’s also more regally refined than William or Charles. And Fred Astaire holds nothing to His dance card.

I speak His unconditional love and grace over my mind, my body, and my home!

And as for you, you can be gone! Back from whence you came to rope in one of your little minions to your game. I’m proclaiming God’s Truth as a belt to my waist, and I’m wearing His helmet to protect my tender head and face. Across my chest, I’ll fasten a breast plate of right living, and the sharp sword I’ll brandish will speak His Word to my thinking.  My feet won’t go unless laced with His peace, and my shield is His faith which extinguish your lies in fiery defeat.

So you’re done with this Warrior. You’re done with this Child. You’re done with your scheming, attacking, and beguile. You’re done with this Princess; this Royalty confirmed. I haven’t got time for your games; you’re overturned!!